


A Place in the World with Her

by toganeshiro



Category: NieR: Automata (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, Choking, F/M, Love/Hate, Post-Ending E (NieR: Automata), Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-07-11 11:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15971507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toganeshiro/pseuds/toganeshiro
Summary: It disgusts him, making him sometimes failing his hacking deliberately when 2B's about to get attacked. Letting her sustain the damage she shouldn't have gotten. Leaving her to fall on the ground and trampled by machines as he watched from afar. Compared to what 2B had done to him, over and over and over again; letting her die and lose a few hours of memory sounds like a minor crime.





	A Place in the World with Her

_Ah, it isn't her first time after all._

The knowledge that the 2B he knew had been a lie makes him sick. A façade she put on to make sure mission goes well.

The realisation doesn't hit him like a boar does; it's more of slowly collecting data and clues, then piecing them together. By the time he gets the answer to his curiosity though, his affection for 2B has already run too deep.

Most scanner units are dispatched on solo missions due to their ability in intel gathering. When they _do_ get paired up with another unit, it's only for one or two missions. Not consecutively, and especially not _repeatedly with one certain unit_. That sparked his interest in whether there is _any_ reason behind pairing him up with 2B.

Maybe she's secretly a new model in test, and the Commander needs a Scanner unit to work with her to collect her combat data.

The next clue is how 2B tries _too hard_ distancing herself from him.

Maybe that's just the programmed personality of number two models; cold. Yet if that is true, then what is that spark of emotions he sees in her, threatening to burst out in any second? They're being suppressed, held down, as if there will be huge consequences if she ever let them seep out.

Emotions are prohibited for YoRHa units, although, no one ever bothers with it. If they're given the ability to have emotions, then why forbid them from expressing?

It's when they met that YoRHa type E unit that the pieces came together.

The way her breath hitched and her shoulder went stiff gave away her identity.

An executioner unit, huh, _of course_.

And when he thought that's all 2B's hiding from him, the way she acted during their whole exchange with the android couple who escaped from the camp told him that there's more to it. She may be cold and quiet. But not _that_ quiet. She even distanced herself as he reformatted one of them.

She had killed him. Not only once, but maybe times and times in the past.

How sickening.

It disgusts him, making him sometimes failing his hacking deliberately when 2B's about to get attacked. Letting her sustain the damage she shouldn't have gotten. Leaving her to fall on the ground and trampled by machines as he watched from afar.

Compared to what 2B had done to him, over and over and _over_ again; letting her die and lose a few hours of memory sounds like a minor crime.

He abhors her, for robbing him of his own memories.

Yet when 2B came out of the access point in a new body, oblivious with only her backup memory installed; 9S regrets it every time, hating himself much more than he ever hated 2B.

_He wonders if 2B ever felt the same each time she kills him._

The 2B that he gets to know.

The 2B that she hide behind that mask.

He doesn't know which to believe in. Maybe neither, since he hasn't any prove either of them is the real 2B. And because 2B is full of contradictions.

As mission continues, he sees a lot of side to her.

Non-hostile machines are safe around her, as she won't attack. There is no point attacking them, she always say. Walking the path around them instead of across them, avoiding to engage in needless battle. She attacks when the order comes in, but she won't do it without.

He wonders why 2B is even built as a combat type when she is a pacifist.

She complains, saying it's inefficient whenever he drags her to spend their time doing meaningless things; fishing, racing with machine or collecting stamps. Yet she is the one who is reluctant to return to their duties afterwards.

The 2B he knew is made for peace.

On top of a building, examining the life going on down there without slashing their blade around and trampling flowers.

Or sometimes under the ground, inside a cave where Lunar Tears bloom. Lying on the ground, surrounded by the luminescent glow of the flowers.

He wonders why 2B keeps resetting him again and again. What did the past him did to earn an execution?

How many times had 2B corrected 9S to call her 2B instead of Ma'am? Why did she even bother doing that?

_He wonders which 9S 2B liked best._

"2B…"

"Yes, 9S?"

The scent of flowers tingle his nose; he rubs it and steals a glance at 2B from the corner of his eyes, "When are you going to call me _Nines_?"

"… I will not."

 _Why_ , the word lingers at the tip of his tongue, but he swallows it down instead.

Her hair falls around her face, framing the small jaw and tickling her neck. His heart twists and he tugs lightly on the front of his uniform. _This view fits her_ , he almost says.

Away from machine lifeforms and androids fighting in never-ending war, hiding in a cave under the ground. Surrounded by flowers illuminating her visor and silvery hair, how _beautiful_. She's free from her missions, forgetting for a moment that she's a soldier; she's only one girl.

Only warmth fills him the longer he looks at her; and 9S never knew androids are even capable of feeling this much serenity aside from receiving them from mankind.

How can a kind android like her took on such mission and lie through her teeth, he wonders.

"9S…"

And he flinches; his fingers had been tracing her visor and the skin under it. His face is only inches apart from hers and he can't recall when he closed the distance between them.

He leans forward and is met with 2B's palm against his mouth. She bites her lips and mutters, "Emotions… are prohibited."

9S slowly drags his hand down to the side of her neck, caressing the small space where her skin shows. "Emotions," he pauses, his eyes glances to Pod 153 floating above them, "pod, do mankind use the act of kissing only to show emotions?"

"Negative. While it is meant to be an expression of affection, love, greeting, reverence and many others, human from the old world does not use the action to convey them sometimes. The action can be acted even without any of the mentioned emotions."

He hums and waits, second by second ticks by, until 2B whimpers and closes in, "Not a way to express emotions, then."

He still doesn't understand why his heart pulse constantly rises whenever he's with 2B. Like how it's doing right now as their lips lightly touch, joined together. Her lips are soft and her sigh sends shiver down his back. His thumb traces the smooth skin under her earlobe, then slowly dragging it to the little bump on her neck. How smooth, how soft, how _fragile._

Oh, he couldn't explain how much he wants to break that lithe neck right now, bend it in unthinkable way.

This is his first time kissing 2B.

_But is this 2B's first time kissing him?_

He wonders how much more of his precious memories she had stolen. The time he spent with her is his treasure, locked in a chest and hidden under his bed. He doesn't want to share it, yet how many times had she barged in his room and robbed his treasure away?

Does 2B even care about all the time they spent together like he does?

He doesn't want to lose this memory, of how 2B's voice sounds so lewd in his ears, or how she squirms and her hands are gripping tightly on the hem of her skirt. He doesn't want to lose this. He doesn't want to lose this. Please, this is his precious treasure.

_Don't take it away, 2B._

He doesn't know when 2B will kill him again, so he'll kill her before that happens. End her, and his memories of 2B shall stay.

His fingers tighten around her neck, earning a gasp from 2B. A light suckle on her lower lip and his tongue traces the plump reddened lips. He slips his tongue in and he can't believe how eager she is too, even with restricted breath.

His whole body shivers in delight seeing 2B's cheeks flush in pink, lacking oxygen. So beautiful, with her whole body tensing up. So beautiful, with their mouth fluid dripping from the corner of her lips. So beautiful, he'll keep this in his memory. So beautiful ... and he releases his grip.

2B sucks in a big amount of oxygen from her nose, but not once pulling away from their kiss. Both her hands stay on her skirt, not once raising them to push him away, neither pull him in. They just stay there, gripping tight on the fabric.

He doesn't want to lose this memory; so he has to kill 2B.

He wants to wake up and meet her again; so he'll let 2B kill him.

_Ah._

_What does he want, really?_

.

His head is jumbled mess, he screams, voice filled with rage tainted with pure agony. He's crying. He's laughing. He doesn't know what he's doing anymore.

He's inflicting pain, yet _it hurts, it hurts_ ; he's the one in pain.

It's never been a binary answer when it comes to 2B. His emotions are strong on both sides, crawling out, ripping apart the barrier he built and overflowing from the space he created. Mixed and jumbled, turning into one feeling of hideous colour.

His hands are tainted in red, in red, in red, in red in red in 2B's _red_.

The red is fake, but the memories are real.

How fragile, how fleeting. His memories have been easily reformatted. Reset, reformatted, as she pleases, by her hands, memories and emotions and tears and tears tears _tears_ and suddenly it's ' _your designation is YoRHa unit number 9, scanner type_ ' booting sequence all over again.

 _Stab, stab, stab,_ through the chest of the memory thief.

 _Stab, stab, stab,_ through the chest of his most precious treasure.

.

_"I don't intend to kill yo# &(^$@o kill me."_

Ah, again, with her hands, around his neck and thumb pressing on his vital circuit. Or a slice to his head, rolling off the grass and fell down the cliff. Then her blade along his back and down his thigh; red liquid imitating blood bursting out from the deep wound.

_"Can I call you Nines? ^%# &ickname for you."_

Lying on the ground he looks at her in menace, he wonders if he should say _goodbye_ or _'til we meet again._

_"%^$rry, Nines."_

His hand wouldn't move. It's heavy, motor sensor is failing him, error detected in visual sensor. Fatal system error detected. Repair impossible.

Terminating emergency s h  u  t   d    o      w   %&^*

It s^%#(ul yet famil^$(&^s be@#^$&*)&r cry #^%&(t%$ a$^%#(

_"―9S."_

_"Is it really alright for me to &%$#―"_

.

Ever since he got rebuilt by the pods and waking up, his memories has been in disarray. They pieced back his body parts and salvaged the data from the network to put them back on him. Because he was not only connected to the YoRHa network, but also the machine nerwork at that point, that became the reason that halted him from rebooting properly when it came to.

And because of that, the memories he lost each time he died returned to him.

Of course some of the data can't be retrieved; they're corrupted and will forever be. It's like dropping puzzle pieces on the ground, he tried to put them back, but some of them are lost. The holes are gaping but he can still make out the image of the puzzle.

He has a hard time differentiating which memory belong to _which 9S_ now, all that he knows is his memories are back. _His precious treasures_ , are back.

Mixed together, he doesn't know who he is anymore. Too many things happened, too many emotions.

Does he hate her? Does he love her?

Is she a friend?

Is she a stranger?

Had she been calling him Nines? Had she been calling him 9S?

That's why he had been hacking into himself, rearranging his memories and sorting them out.

The air is quiet when he stepped out of the room standing under streaks of sunlight. There is a lot less Resistance Members than it had before. One thing is because so many androids were shut down due to the chaos when the tower arisen. Another thing is because a lot of them either disappeared or committed suicide after knowing the truth about what happened to the humans.

Striding down his way to Anemone's usual spot, 9S looks to his side and notices the small garden in the centre of the camp left unattended. The man who is usually taking care of it is nowhere to be seen.

Most androids who are still hanging on seem to have lost all the energy they had before.

It's the same for the surviving YoRHa units.

Both 9S and 2B stick around the camp doing errands. Sometimes they meet 4S who decides to travel around and collect more data. While A2… has disappeared since then. But Anemone said that she visited sometimes, when they're away. So at least they know she's alive.

"Nines…"

And it felt all too familiar to hear 2B's tongue rolled out his nickname. Like a nickname from his childhood, sweet and nostalgic.

"That's all the supplies Jackass needed us to fetch. Let's leave if you're done resting."

He nods at that and they immediately part. On their way back, they sit on top of a building and gaze down to the hole in the centre of the city ruins, the gaping cave where the Tower collapsed. Jackass said the supplies are not an emergency so they could take their time.

Without the machines crawling around and androids coming and going, doing their missions, the city had never been so quiet, so _dead_. At least the moose are still eating the grass and filling the space as proof the earth is not truly dead yet.

9S drops down to lie on his back, legs dangling on the edge of the building and gazing at the cloud floating in the sky.

Could this be what they want to achieve? Peace? Is this even called peace?

After the collapse of the arc, there are less and less hostile machines. Most of the hostile ones had been destroyed and the ones left are not even connected to the network anymore.

The remaining androids that stayed lost all their purpose though. Not knowing _who they should kill,_ not knowing _who their enemy is_.

If this really is the peace they've been wanting, why does all the tension seem heavier than back then when they have big grand purpose of fighting for the glory of mankind?

There's overflowing fear hanging around the air.

No knowledge of their goal.

The end that can't be defined for them.

Time flows and the earth has been the same as always, acting as if nothing had happened. And 9S wonders why they can't be the same. Do they really even need a _purpose_ to keep on living?

A soft melody flows along with the rustling wind, when he turns to his side, he finds the source of the melody. With her eyes cast downwards to the emptiness of the ground several feet under and her legs swinging back and forth, she hums a light tune which he recalls to be Emil's shop's loud and obnoxious song.

It sounds calming and warm instead with her voice, though.

"You're humming."

She stops the melody and turns to him, her eyes wide and eyebrow slightly raised. "Did I?" she asks. She blinks and there's a flicker in her eyes before she focuses her sight to the small rubble between them, "… Maybe I did."

He chuckles and lets out a deep breath, "You did." He pauses, "There's something calming about your voice."

Her lips are pursed, but the way her eyes slanted a bit gives off a feeling that she is amused. Maybe all frontline YoRHa models are actually easy to read when their visor is absent. They're too used to suppress their emotions from their mouth, in the end all emotions are pouring out from the light of their eyes, since they're always hidden.

He wonders if he himself is that easy to read too now.

"Is something bothering you, Nines?"

 _Maybe he is_.

"Why … did you start calling me Nines since we got rebuild?"

There only exists silence as he waits for the answer. 2B used to call him Nines in some cycle, while in most of them, she refused to do so. He probably already has the answer on his mind, but he wants to hear it from 2B herself. This time, without the mask she had always worn all those times before.

"Because I don't need to reset you anymore. Because now I can get close to you without everything reverting back to zero."

9S remembers how he said 2B is kind and might have been made for peace. And he regrets ever doubting that.

"You know what, I regained fragments of my past memories that should've been erased."

2B blinks her eyes one too many times before nodding and turning her head back to the ground, "Is that so… I… I don't know… I don't know if my choice was right all along. Nines…" her grip tightens around her gloves and she continues, "is it really alright for me to live?"

"If you don't deserve to live... then neither does me."

9S is a hypocrite.

He was the one who made 2B promise to kill him without hesitation each time. To make sure he's dead so they could meet again. Yet he turned that exact promise on 2B as the reason for him to loath her.

He doesn't want to kill her, yet he hated her for killing him.

When he asked 2B to make that promise, it was just him being a coward. Because he could not choose between his hatred or his love, so he let 2B take all the burden for them.

Who got it worse? 9S, who kept losing his memories only to be stuck in a never-ending spiral of love and hate. Or 2B, who keeps all the memories and had to endure each reset and pretended as if they're strangers again.

He doesn't know the answer.

Or maybe the answer doesn't exist.

"Actually, you're more deserving of it more than me. It's like you've found your place in this world."

This terrifying peace, without definite goal or end, is what they're living in right now.

Just as there's no reason for 2B to keep killing 9S anymore, there's no reason for 9S to keep hating her.

It's the right moment for her to break free from the chains holding her to her duty. Peace suits her better; being an errand girl, fetching supplies, lifting crates to help organise the camp. They fit 2B a lot more than 2B drawing her blade against the machines and their own kin.

This world, this _peace_ ; it's a place where she belongs.

Unlike her, 9S is built out of curiosity. The war, YoRHa, machines, humanity. All the things that had his interest were gone now. The war is over, YoRHa doesn't exist anymore, machine network had been destroyed, humanity had long since gone.

The war actually fits 9S better.

"Nines."

2B's voice is soft and calming, her hand gripping gently on his hand. A lot of hues to describe the colour of her eyes and it's still a different shade each time she shows emotion.

"You can find a place in this world too."

Unit YoRHa number 9 type S is built out of curiosity.

But 9S ... is built out of his memories with 2B.

Each treasure had a different shape. And he knows his is in a shape of 2B. If he can't find a purpose through his pre-programmed data, then maybe he can find it through his treasure. It does not have to be grand like they used to have in the past. It can be simple.

Just as long as 2B is by his side.

.

**_End._ **

**Author's Note:**

> I know 9S' dependency on 2B is unhealthy. And even at the ending, it does not go away. I want it to stay as canon as possible. I believe even with ending E, it will not change. It's even stated in the game that they are simply imitating humans without finding a solution. So I believe that 9S and his '2B is his treasure' thing won't just go away.
> 
> This fanfic started out because I wanted to explore 9S' character. And honestly I had way too much fun writing his love hate feelings toward 2B. Also, I'd like to explore how after ending E, it's not all flowers and happiness. I just can't see a complete happy ending for them.
> 
> Hopefully you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it!


End file.
